From the Mind of the Tormented #1
A collection of journal entries.
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Journal Entries:
The following is a collection of journal entries from June of 2023 to March of 2025.
While these entries initially started as a collection of revolutionary philosophy, it soon became a place to share conclusions and lament of the struggles of being an Islamic Socialist under the individualist and tyrannical society of the United States. A soundboard if you will to express political & religious perspectives, but also to vent of internal struggles and personal suffering. Which is why the name changed from “Islamic Revolutionary Philosophy” to “From the mind of the tormented.”
-Entry 1: 06/07/2023
Of the many lessons I learned in life, one of the biggest, and hardest, was to learn you have no true control in this world. Control can not be obtained in an environment where conditions are deemed to change. The only thing you can do, is predict based on learned knowledge of circumstance, and act accordingly with trust in Allah. Rather you like it or not, change comes only by His permission and your action or lack of action. So act to your duty, and do what pleases your Lord, as to see benefit, or learn a lesson he needs you to learn.
-Entry 2: 06/10/2023
There is three forms of prison for every civilian.
1) The prison of the conformed, the one who conformed to the expectations of society and those around them.
2) The prison one creates. Stuck in a cycle of spending time to buy more time with the belief freedom will come with more time bought. Only to realize later freedom never came and the regret sets in.
3) The prison of the mind and emotions. To be a slave to your darkest thoughts and lack of emotional control. To be stuck in the trenches afraid to shoot back and fight your way out.
Only those with strong will and rebellion in their heart will struggle to break all the chains of slavery. Only then can a civilian be truly free, even if in the end they'll never be understood by those around them too blind to see their own chains.
-Entry 3: 06/11/2023
If you was to die in 5 minutes, what would you think about your life? What did you want to do before death that you lazily put off or never set a goal to do?
The fundamental truth of existence, is to live means you will die.
"Every soul shall taste death"
-Quran, 29:57
What does this mean? It means you will never truly control anything. Yet you keep trying to. Your must learn to control little, and let the rest flow. Ask for goodness and also do good, but not force a situation if it was never meant to be. Lessen your worries and stress and rely on Allah's plan. Because while you may beg Him for anything, He will allow what He determines best. Be this a reward or hardship, both are to teach you something. Be it good or bad, it's a blessing regardless because God teaches, sometimes in ways harder than others, to make us realize what we either didn't know or didn't want to know.
-Entry 4: 06/11/2023
Our incessant desire to constantly control a situation or event often times is the cause of our greatest stress and pain. We get stuck in a narrow vision through this, focused on the most immediate aims or worries. This leads to a subconscious programming of the mind to stick to the familiar and avoid change. Thus, why so many are use to the smaller picture vs bigger picture. So many are afraid to think well beyond their small lives and issues, to not step back and look at all the strings at play; longer, bigger goals and all relations that act as the gears of a machine that take part in your and everyone’s lives.
Are we truly afraid to change? Or is it our lives was never met with enough chaos and proper influences to promote change? Is it true some are meant to be change makers and others simply are too scared to seek intellectual freedom?
So long as our media, education, and influences in our independent lives push against the ideas of questioning all relations and seeking deep understanding of life and all that relates, will the masses continue to be carbon copies of one group to another. A robot copying the programing put in place by another robot.
-Entry 5: 06/11/2023
The lie that persists in the modern world by tyrants and con men is that the mental and physical are separate. That mental strength is not tied to physical strength. This is both untrue and true at the same time.
Physical strength and mental strength are linked, however they can shift into opposite poles at a given moment. What matters, however, is how you control it. If you wish to be strong mentally, you must become strong physically, and vise versa. You must create discipline, a mental and physical strength, to do anything consistently. You must avoid intoxicants, which requires the practice of building mental and physical strength. You can't be strong in either if you are hurting yourself by abusing intoxicants, over stimulating your dopamine receptors, seeking self gratification, and so on. You need to learn and build methods to reinforce the growth of physical and mental strength.
If you can not learn to control your body and your mind, you will become a slave to every change and weakness inside.
-Entry 6: 06/11/2023
Satan hates the pious and loves the easily manipulated.
The weaker you are to your desires and faith, the easier you are to manipulate. Same with weakness to bias, why the most tyrannical government loves the weak who never question the common narrative put before them day in and out.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth"
-Lenin
The weaker you are, the less likely you question things out of uninterest to fight. Satan is similar in this regard, he loves the easy to manipulate, because he can get you in the right momentum to let you be as you walk aimlessly sinning and harming carefree. He hates the pious for the same reason a slave owner hates the slave who flees. Because if you aren't under his control, he can't have that be.
Satan chases after, more than anyone, those seeking refuge in Allah against Satan. Satan attacks, from every angle, the body, mind and soul of humans to exploit their weaknesses and lack of discipline. To yank you down until you are back under his control, no longer caring or regretting sin and harm of yourself or others.
Because: Satan hates you, because when he drags you down to his level and keeps you there, his doom mirrors you. You allowed him to influence you and listen to him over your Lord without seeking repentance.
This is why, when you become strong in piety, Allah takes notice; but so does Satan. Allah will reward you, and Satan will do anything to destroy you.
-Entry 7: 06/11/2023
Are you not tired of it?
Have you not had enough?
Do you ever think it'll be enough?
The mindless walk of the same path. The same program. The same fight. How is this kind of life fulfilling to you?
Have you sat within silence to find your weaknesses so you can change them? Do you wish to stay sedated with the same old dopamine high long enough until you need it again?
Why do you wish to avoid progress?
Growth can not come from being comfortable, because growth is valuable, thus it must be hard to obtain. You must learn to accept and welcome pain and being uncomfortable in order to find the ways of change and growth.
You must learn to walk a different road than the rest. Only then can you find freedom.
-Entry 8: 06/11/2023
A copy of a copy of a copy.
A slave around other slaves programming other slaves.
When you are born, you are a blank canvas. You are influenced by every person, group or institution you come in contact with. Especially more frequently than others. You will, however, have certain characteristics than others; but even this will not stop how you are shaped by the influences around you.
So, the new question is; do you wish to live as a copy, or obtain unique difference to the majority. Do you wish to conform to the crowd and be a slave following any influence, or do you wish to go the opposite road and find the path that is neglected and opposed.
You must begin the process of reflection of all you know and understand; then you must see what deserves to stay because it's correct and what must be abandoned because it is not.
After you perfect this skill, you must apply it throughout your life, otherwise the crowd will talk you back into slavery and your old age will begin to give up the interest to fight and change.
There is much to this world and our lives, but we was not put here to follow man or his expectations. We was put here to uphold our Creator, obtain our destiny, and create a difference in people's lives. We can not do that, if we continue to live to the expectations of people and institutions over what we have determined is our path from the way God wanted us molded.
Stay unique, a nonconformist.
Nothing in this world matters accept 3:
1) Where you are with Allah
2) Where you are in your mind & body
3) Where you are in your goals & objectives
-Entry 9: 06/11/2023
The soldier who stays hidden in the trench will die in fear.
The soldier who hesitates facing his threat will die from doubt.
The soldier who rushed into no mans land will die from ego.
The strongest metaphor: Life is War.
You will face dozens, upon dozens, upon dozens of battles in a month, a week, maybe even a day.
The sharper your intellectual skills, your physical character, your financial empire: the harder and more frequent the battles you'll face; because the strongest soldier gets the hardest fights. You can't upgrade yourself and not expect harder opponents.
But our battles aren't always physical. Our battles are everything; physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, etc. You must learn to adapt, overcome and build: because stagnation is huddling in the trenches, waiting to die. You must learn to plan ahead, not by hours, days, weeks or months. But by years, planning every step to obtain your goals and destiny. Otherwise you will doubt and hesitate and fail, or you will charge without a plan and die out of ego and pride. Begin the path you neglected to your destiny.
Take on every phenomenon as a battle, and figure out the plan to obtain victory. Be this planning how to talk to someone, how to build your life, what you wish to do in life, how to control your mind, anything.
You need to know, not fear, that someday you are going to die; and through accepting death, through accepting failure can you accept that you can live and succeed. You must expect any conflict, have the plan to victory, and welcome it with patience. Patience of victory, or a lesson learned. Be the soldier you need to be to succeed.
-Entry 10: 06/11/2023
Success, in anything, can not be obtained without action. Action, sometimes, requires assistance.
As a highly social creation, the best things we could obtain is strong control over our impulses, and companionship.
Your friends, as a direct influence, will pull you to one thing or the other. Thus, what is important for growth, is evaluating who you keep close, and build a brotherhood/sisterhood of those you:
Trust.
Are loyal.
Protect the brotherhood/sisterhood.
And inspire the best from you and vise versa.
Vet who is close to you, and make a brotherhood/sisterhood and grow as a group.
-Entry 11: 06/12/2023
To live means you will die. Yes? So, applying that logic, what does that mean to our mini deaths. What do I mean?
To grow means to change, to progress means to replace. No advance can come from stagnation. Even the birth of a new civilization means the death of an old one.
In this same way we as aging humans face many mini deaths throughout our lives. To hold dear to a political position until you can't accept it anymore, means the death of an old belief for a new belief to take place. To grow up means the death of immaturity and childhood in order for maturity and being an adult to take place. Some of us cling so hard to these old behaviors and beliefs that they hurt us in the long run, and sometimes those around us.
Death is never a foreign or rare thing. We die multiple times in little ways. But growth can't happen without it.
You can not become a better, more disciplined and intelligent human being without growth. Much like marble can not become a statue without change, or iron be made a sword without change.
If you wish to become better, you can't shy away from change and being wrong from time to time. Nor, especially, can you shy away from pain.
-Entry 12: 06/17/2023
"A person's tongue can give you the taste of his heart"
-Ibn Qayyim
Control your anger, suppress hostility and misplaced hate. Don't be rude to people, because you never know who is ignorant and who is corrupt unless their actions make it apparent.
Maintain discipline in good times and in hard times.
-Entry 13: 06/19/2023
The average person has NO EXCUSE to ignore this: You exist and have a destiny and 9 times out of ten it is to be a force of good for society and fight like a warrior to be the best version of yourself and strive for greatness.
Back in the past the strongest soldiers and strongest generals would build or destroy empires; why do you think you deserve to relax? Why do you think you should be average? You must uphold to your duty and obtain your destiny. You should REFUSE to settle for less.
You must know your value, you must build yourself up physically and mentally because physical and mental strength are linked. You must plan out your future, plan big, create the way to obtain it, and chase it no matter how hard things get or who gets in the way. This fight is you vs you. No one else is in this fight to be better. Uphold your duty to those who matter, be respectful to everyone, and fight for what you deserve even if others refuse to acknowledge it.
You have a long history of people who strived and suffered for you to be here, do what would make them proud.
-Entry 14: 06/25/2023
The world is complex, with it's grays among the black and white. Often large and more common. The grays, complexity of life, every situation. It does exist, even if we refuse to acknowledge it.
But, the core relation, is the binary of life. The yes or no. To every relation, there was a yes or a no. Even multiple of them.
The yes or no.
The do or don't.
The act or ignore.
The uphold good, or let evil persist beyond it's needed expiration date.
A mental reality one should always be socially aware of in every behavior or move in life.
-Entry 15: 07/03/2023
Everything is hackable, including human beings.
Weaponize your overthinking.
Through sociology and psychology we are able to predict and manipulate human reaction and behavior. Those studied in these same methods using them on another with the same knowledge becomes a challenge. But you know what also helps in your abilities to predict and create circumstances? Overthinking.
There is two roads to the overthinker:
1) The self destructive type
2) The calculated weaponized type
Someone who weaponized his overthinking to read people better and faster, anticipate a reaction or circumstances, analyze and self analyze, break down and simplify a message, or constantly question the desires of someone's behavior or agenda (especially if unexpected or questionable) becomes a deadly weapon of a person.
Hacking computers is a digital relation of exploiting weaknesses. Everything has an exploit, so do humans.
In the wrong hands, this behavior is deadly and can hurt people. But for the revolutionary, it is a must, because your enemy has already practiced and mastered this method.
You must become deadly, you must weaponize every tactic and relation to overtake your opponent. Be this mentally, emotionally, digitally, physically, religiously, etc.
You must become obsessed with becoming a weapon in every possible way. You have no excuse not to. Obsession beats talent everytime.
Weaponize your overthinking, weaponize your mental tactics.
-Entry 16: 07/05/2023
You have to want help to get help.
No matter what may be bothering you, be it loss of a loved one, a spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend. Either way:
You can't sacrifice yourself for others and expect the results to not be your own self destruction.
If you can't build yourself up to last without them, you will always chase others out of dependency, something that nobody wants. The older you become, the stronger your stability must become. Otherwise you will cling to others for a safety that only you can provide yourself.
Don't give into co-dependency, and likewise, don't remove your existence because you feel you lost too much or can't do it. This moment is a drop in the ocean in terms of how long your life can be vs the narrowing of your focus to this momentary torment.
Build yourself mentally, physically, financially and emotionally; become comfortable with yourself without others, and pick others based on if they add to your environment, but always be ready to remove if need be and be comfortable with the fundamental reality that is:
"I can continue, I don't need others to make myself happy, and there will always be someone else who is deserving of my time and energy."
-Entry 17: 07/07/2023
We enjoy movies, comics, shows, parties.
We enjoy these things for the same reason we shy away from the truth and avoid the ugly realities. We LOVE to be sedated. To be ill informed and numb. We are scared to look beyond the smoke and mirrors, beyond the curtain of the show.
We fear seeking the unknown yet our arrogance loves to form opinions off what we feel is true.
We can't keep living like this. This kind of lifestyle is how you voluntarily give into slavery. It's a way of life that depends on your willful submission and weaknesses.
That's why those who broke out are assassinated first, because the more you see and learn it all, the more the desire to act will become. Once you learn too much, you can't simply go back, it's impossible, because the truth is known internally. Trying to go back, you'll get drawn back to rebellion. You'll be unable to live normally without seeing the gears of the machine moving. To see the slaves around you for what they are, willfully submitted.
No tyrant can allow too many knowing the truth, because enough people doing that leads to a victory large enough to send the whole thing crashing down. It's the same reason the slave owners of Southern America didn't allow Africans to read, because it'd break the programming, and direct them to finding their way out.
We can't be slaves forever, freedom comes from daring to look for truth and seeing everything as realistic and raw as possible.
-Entry 18: 07/07/2023
Of the many things we struggle with, our own arrogance is our biggest flaw. Our biggest exploit. For many of us, we hardly ever consider others or look beyond our own scope; but worse of this is how we learn our mistakes often in one of two ways. The hard way, or the hardest way. A dangerous way to live.
To avoid mistakes and be self aware, even for the most part which we are capable of, is a easier way to live life and advance faster. However, that isn't the reality for most. Most of us, due to our arrogance, acts, talks, thinks in a way that harms or puts us and others at risk. Until he suffer from it. Depending how bad, and how strong our arrogance, depends on when we learn to stop.
We either suffer a little pain or fear, and learn then to stop doing whatever it was that caused it, or we suffer greatly, and stop immediately.
This is how people die early, suffer hardships early, lose things early.
Are we, are you, going to become self aware now and break the cycle? Or will you continue to follow the routine and let arrogance dictate your behaviors and thoughts?
-Entry 19: 07/07/2023
It is only in suffering does a person realize where they are and where they should be. Only when one has crashed, unknowingly, into rock bottom, into chaos, into mental darkness, can one have the potential to break the cycle and cut out the poison.
The environment of chaos and struggle fuels the fight or flight part of the brain to weigh options. To breakdown, and be consumed, or claw at the throats of darkness and fight for freedom.
If your in chaos, you must weigh your options today, and determine what you want to be, and work endlessly to obtain it.
You must demand greatness for yourself. Freedom for yourself. To become unlike you are and remove the cancer, the weaknesses that keep you where you are.
-Entry 20: 07/07/2023
Revolutionize yourself, revolutionize reality.
An average copied life, means a average copied reality. A chaotic lifestyle, means a chaotic future and reality. A organized lifestyle, means a organized future and reality.
You can not expect to see change, if you aren't willing to be change. You can't expect a different societal reality, if you are living the average that you despise so much.
You must be different, and in doing so you will be hated for becoming the abnormal. You must inspire change and embody it. A organized, well informed, self sacrificing and obsessed life of a revolutionary; it will pour out, infecting others, bringing them to become like you.
The influence, the change, the new reality, will begin to rip at the fabric of a diseased, backwards civilization until it is undeniable: A new reality is coming, the shift is in motion.
-Entry 21: 07/07/2023
The revolutionary must understand the sacrifices necessary for obtaining the goals before him.
Our time is limited in this world. We do not have 100 years, most of us have 70-80, your mid point is our 30's or 40's. We may even die before that time.
So an important question we must pose to ourselves, is what are we doing, what are we aiming to be or obtain? We must sacrifice for it. Partially or entirely. And for revolutionaries, we have more sacrifices than anyone else to make, otherwise we will never obtain what is necessary. If we are serious in our devotion and aims, which is debatable as is, we must acknowledge a single truth: We can not allow ANYTHING to get in our way of the ultimate goal, liberation.
No more passive life. No more false dreams, no more societal expectations. Become different, sacrifice for it, and chase after it as badly as you do food and water. Otherwise, the goals will never be obtained.
-Entry 22: 07/07/2023
Everyone has their hyperfixation, regardless of age or if they're neurodivergent/neurotypical. We lie to ourselves that we don't.
We all have a hyperfixation, something we invest most of our time, passion and love into. Something that intrigues us more than anything else. Something we are obsessed with.
We all have our hyperfixation. Something that, if productive and powerful, can be weaponized and turned into a tool. If harmful and weakening, must be replaced.
Revolutionaries who know their hyperfixations, if it can be utilized to advance the revolutionary goals, must be weaponized. Anything that may aid in obtaining the goals, must be used and weaponized to obtain the goals.
Some revolutionaries, their hyperfixation is time, objectives, politics, weapons, etc. You must master and control your hyperfixation even if through a order of doing things, to obtain the goals ahead.
For me, I have multiple: Seeking truth, to find the unknown and expose it to the world. Politics, to see the internals, strings and methods of power and manipulation. And weaponization, to make everything I am, a weapon.
-Entry 23: 09/08/2023
Most people do not live their authentic lives.
Most people live as a copy of a copy. Most people live in accordance to the expectations, standards, desires or influence of a given surroundings and/or society.
Most do not live authentically as their inner authentic selves because largely most people avoid their authentic selves; we see that based on the desperation of addictive substances or outside validation and careful adoption of new behaviors or personalities to obtain positions and annihilation of the old ones.
Most do not, like they should to obtain more mental control, deeply self reflect, over analyze current/future/past situations and/or goals, accept what is fully correct and oppose what is fully wrong, etc. The more we think and live without distractions and seek input from people in similar struggles as us to use in our deep inner analysis, the more we can not only deeply understand ourselves, but also learn to be more conscious and control our worse parts. Especially moments of weakness and defaulting back to subconscious autopiloted behaviors that keep us in a rut or harmful situation.
Overthinking is only harmful if you let it be used against yourself or ones who love you truly, otherwise, overthinking is a weapon to free yourself when you obtain enough knowledge and mental strength/control.
-Entry 24: 10/01/2023
The longer you stay in the game, the more you move, the more you effect; the greater the result.
The greatest revolutionaries, leaders, philosophers, and those who change civilizations are those who used all of their limited life to influence, mold their minds and bodies for the goals ahead of them, and traveled near and far to effect everything that was necessary.
We see from history this is true, and simultaneously, we see those who failed or who was stopped by opposition from reaching their full potential. The enemies of greatness, of revolutionary change, and those forces who urge those leaders to cease, or worse, force them to cease.
The enemies of the communist movement, same as the enemies of the Muslims, understand that civilization is like technology, a copy of it's relations and mechanisms. That, if there is a rogue code, it must be isolated and removed from causing damage to their operating system. The more it moves and replicates, the more is organizes other rogue code and makes the operating system impossible to function accordingly. And when the operating system is destructive and hostile to anything, a malware like system, the only option is to go rogue, to destroy it.
Therefore, act differently (go rogue, follow your rules), build and strengthen yourself (upgrade), rally with other rogue code (people), and move around effecting others (travel and replicate, avoid isolation and termination).
Staying still, affecting little, never upgrading to become more effective and durable. These are the signs of a rogue code isolated and ready for termination when necessary.
-Entry 25: 11/04/2023
Intellectually strong means nothing if you can not carry the weight of revolution!
Become intellectual, but be forever aware that the world isn't changed by intelligent words, but backed up by force against force.
Become the soldier who speaks powerfully, because words mean nothing if they can not be backed up in time of war.
-Entry 26: 11/04/2023
I hate this kind of society. The society, or lack thereof, of western civilization who acts uncivilized.
This way of life feels unnatural, inhumane, demonic. Capitalism expanding its violent control to dominate every existing object or need for profit while people with little become forced to accept out of desperation. Making people suffer less and less. Some to the point they sell their soul to harm and steal for more in order to survive. Those same areas being abandoned and people there turned into monsters acting out of desperation and desire suffering little while the rich are so wealthy they have yachts for yachts and multiple mansions. This is a demonic way of life, a life of slavery.
Why do we accept it, similarly, why do we continue to follow their rules when clearly it is rigged against us?
It feels like the only logical thing left is to resist, that's why most don't, because the wealthy have been successful in breeding irrational mentalities among the masses; acting like robots repeating lies or distracting themselves with petty interests.
The only option left by logical men and women, is to resist everywhere and any time.
-Entry 27: 12/06/2023
Muslims around the world are beginning to finally see something we was majority blind to since the fall of the Ottoman Empire: That only through Islam, firmness to our traditions and Islamic values & law was we blessed with great reward.
It was only when we followed the practices and manners of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and the guide to life given to us by the Quran and Sunnah that we was able to build a powerful and civilized society. A society that united everyone regardless of race, ethnicity, culture or gender under the same united flag of La Ilaha Illa Allah, there is no god truly worthy of worship except Allah.
More Muslims today are realizing it after a century of sacrificing our values for secularism and liberalism; that no matter how much we try to act like the western secular nations, not only will they never accept us truly, they will never stop attacking our community abroad or weakening us.
Our strength and power comes from Allah, not wealthy & powerful people. Our duty and unity comes from Allah to unite us, not begging rulers to have mercy on us.
After Palestine came under brutal attack by Zionism on October 8th, the videos of Palestinian resilience has caught the world's attention. Palestinians are growing deeper in faith and closer to Islamic values, which has woken many Muslims up to the truth.
That truth being simply: Secularism and western values are a poison on the ummah, the Muslims MUST return back to Islamic values, Islamic law, and Islamic discipline if we aim to truly free our lands from suffering, colonialism, division and imperialism that kept us weak and begging our enemies for mercy. Our strength comes from Allah, and only through trusting Allah and following his message can we unite and free ourselves with Allah's permission.
-Entry 28: 12/08/2023
I would rather die sooner from thinking too much than live longer thinking too little. As one has the potential to change the future, while the other makes you easily manipulated by crafty and evil people. One has honor, the other regret.
-Entry 29: 12/08/2023
“Lightning strikes in a blue sky.” - Jack Kerouac. Great things come from nothingness, or “unimportant wandering”, and true creativity from boredom.
A fundamental truth that can't be reasonably understood except through experience, as is the case with many of lifes great truths.
-Entry 30: 12/08/2023
"Every monster you have ever met or will ever meet, was once a human being with a soul that was as soft and light as silk."
-Nikita Gill
Hurt people, hurt people.
Evil exists in people whose corruption assault and kill purity in others.
It is your duty to protect yourself from becoming evil as well and continuing the cycle. To instead use that experience, control your rage, make peace with your darkness and use it to protect other's purity from those who corrupt.
The best of humanity, is those that sacrifice to save the innocent from the destructive.
-Entry 31: 12/08/2023
"Often a very old man has no other proof of his long life than his age."
-Seneca
The average man collects years but little memories, a life with pockets deep of regret. As the stoics believed, there is no life without depth. Age without the backing of wisdom and virtue is empty. Each day must be seized for knowledge, self improvement, reflection, deep conversation and/or analysis.
There is no greater loss to this large and complex life than to leave it with little obtained. As the aim of anyone with a functioning brain is to understand this world, spiritual truth and use such knowledge to improve those around him.
-Entry 32: 12/08/2023
A revolutionary isn't just a man in military gear. He isn't just an organizer for a cause or party.
A revolutionary isn't just a strategist.
A revolutionary is both an intellectual and a soldier. To inspire movements and the world, and change society, requires a revolutionary to be intellectually sound and advanced as he is Incredibly disciplined, militant and brave.
A revolutionary is as much an intellectual soldier as he is a physical soldier. Otherwise he falls short of the necessary capabilities to build a movement, let alone inspire a movement.
-Entry 33: 12/08/2023
Every person, at a point, begins to feel it in their soul, in their bones. The soreness, the exhaustion, the lack of peace, the battle fatigue.
It is only after a certain point does it begin to build up and a choice must be made. Keep moving or stagnate. Slowing down is fine but the pace has to be picked up soon after.
"Why are you still fighting!" Demands Satan, who desperately wants you to stagnate.
Word of wisdom: Just like a soldier, keep moving, strategically and carefully, always advancing. For to stop for too long increases the chance of death with regret.
-Entry 34: 12/08/2023
Trauma is an assault on the mind that can never be fully healed. An invasion where the invaders fortified. Like poison seeping into the ground and water supply, it seeped into every neural network in the mind and heart once experienced.
Trauma can't be fully healed but you can still heal from it. It just means you have to be aware of it and make sure the wound doesn't bleed too much that you are unable to get anything else done. You can get to a point where it is manageable, but that means avoiding what can worsen the affects. Like you avoid twisting the knife after being stabbed, you must too avoid those and the environments where people will increase the internal bleeding from the past.
-Entry 35: 12/08/2023
History changes by the hands of the complex and strange. The most misunderstood and disliked by a society that's diseased and backwards are often the ones who rose against the tyrants that suppressed their existence.
Those who are the "profound" and "perfect" of those times are often the cowards with political or financial power that history did not side by, as it is clear history sides by the strange who right the wrongs of a broken nation and its leaders.
-Entry 36: 12/10/2023
Every man has to go through a version of "hell" to reach his "paradise."
What matters is how long do you want to stay in your hell?
If you are fortunate, you'll have the best environment to keep you protected from it. If you aren't, and you continue to challenge the ways to protect you, you'll sit in your hell until your soul is corrupted completely and you have a self destructive future.
Those with ease and everything stable are those who climbed out of their hell. Those without who are suffering and slowly dying are ones still caught in it and acting wildly like an animal.
Only through discipline, control, faith, good behavior and patience can one find his way out of struggle and away from those who latch onto each other to keep them there; because the thing you'll see as you age, is those who are suffering who insult or harass others for trying to get out, do so because they hate your attempts to crawl out of a lifestyle that slowly destroys you. They want you to accept the reality they are too scared to change themselves.
-Entry 37: 12/10/2023
"The writer slowly goes crazy as his characters start talking to him."
As does the veteran revolutionary whose mind floods with the history of tyrant's violent attacks on the innocent. A constant awareness of evil surrounding him while his soul lashes out demanding justice because his heart cares and bleeds too much for humanity.
Only the unaware can ignore evil and become manipulated by it. The double edge sword of becoming aware means you find how much evil exists. Then and only then does your heart become more alive and soul fill with humanity, but in doing so means the more aware you are, the more the heart and soul burn and feel pain for those suffering.
-Entry 38: 12/14/2023
The overactive mind is like a raging river, unable to be controlled as it forces the body to adapt to it. Much like the raging river does everything it affects around it.
Not everyone has an overactive mind, but some of us who do often leave behind a history, much like the raging river does.
Like a river we can lose control, or go with the flow, and leave behind wisdom and marks that history will document for centuries.
Leave your mark, and let it be a good one.
-Entry 39: 12/14/2023
There has been many "Renaissances" and "enlightenment" periods of history. We may believe those periods are done and never coming again, but just like how the academic never truly stops learning, we never truly stop returning to our spiritual creativeness and exploration.
It's 2023, and technology is advancing. People under brutal conditions and alienation are beginning to return to their old, natural ways.
The new Renaissance is beginning, a digital Renaissance, where instead of books, the philosophers of today, the poets of today, are uploading their reflections.
The existential crisis of many will deepen, but the chains of mental slavery are beginning to break.
The rebels of today are the artists who refused to be cogs to an uncaring system, and instead made their soul come back to life through art and reflection passed on into wisdom.
-Entry 40: 12/14/2023
"We read to know we are not alone"
-C.S. Lewis
We believe we are so different in thought, but truly if such was true we would never be able to get along. The thinkers of today refind their thoughts in the pages of those in the past.
"Think before you speak, read before you think"
-Fran Lebowits
We read to find new thoughts. The more you read you'll sooner or later refind your own thoughts. Be them correct or not. It is only through reading that we make our reflections and analysis more effective, for truly only the ignorant can speak easily about anything while having nothing to prove. While the intelligent speak carefully about what they have to prove.
And it's because of that, why "Knowledge is power"
-Sir Francis Bacon
And why the worse tyrants attacked the libraries and educational system first, and why the most dangerous soldier is an ignorant one.
"The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools."
-Thucydides
-Entry 41: 12/14/2023
Historically, a true philosopher is someone who can not tolerate a system that never deserved tolerance to begin with. As many empires, recent and past, have never valued anything but control and servitude.
This goes counter to many philosophers, who in their rebellion of word and intellect, was rewarded with little and suffered much in their lives. It was only after their passing where many found sympathizers and popular influence; because only the wise can see what others can't, and the many who are blind won't realize they was right until the inevitable fall of the tyrant they exposed.
The life of a philosopher is similar to the life of a revolutionary; he is a doomed man, as Huey Newton correctly stated. Powerful in thought and study, often never given his fair dues, but if successful will change the course of future history. This is why the philosophers and revolutionaries of the past was often the most poor and struggling. Rebel against a selfish system, and the rewards of your bravery and authenticity is increased struggles.
But remember, healing can only come after pain, and removing cancer is better than tolerating it.
-Entry 42: 12/15/2023
Guard yourself from what you consume and do, because otherwise you'll reach a point of no return. Staining your heart till it is as dark as your future.
Some of the most religious men was once those whose darkness consumed them and latched into their souls. Some didn't make it out while others fight the worse demons who made a home inside them. Clinging on so hard that no amount of running can free them from the dark chains pierced into their being. Like a white cloth stained with the darkest ink.
Those who learned late, to stop the transition to evil before it was too late, are sometimes so stained that they'll go through the worse hardships and trials in order to climb out of the deep grave they dug for their dead innocence & purity. Blood stained hands that never wash clean, trying to wash your cloth white again.
I don't believe you can ever wash it clean again, but it is better to try than give in and become fully cold with a stone hard heart.
We all wage war, every second is war; but who do you wish to fight alongside you? Guard yourself and fight alongside Allah, or give into darkness and make black your soul and you'll fight along Satan. Just never forget, death is not the end, and you'll find Satan was always your true enemy.
Allah will forgive you, but you must still clean the cloth you stained. Your work is not done, your trials are maximized, and your enemies have a chain latched into you. Your fight from here is your internal darkness that you once invited inside happily, now is the time to remove it for it has intertwined to your being like a cancer. To remove the hooks latched and staining your soul. To wash away the ink and blood from your stained cloth.
You are now at war with all of evil, the forces of evil that once tried to recruit you, or did, and seeks your fall as you have betrayed their leader for the real Leader, the King of kings, God. A King whose path heals broken men and darkened souls.
-Entry 43: 12/15/2023
What stops the growth of amazing soldiers, leaders and philosophers sometimes is the very allies they assumed was their allies, but simply aimed to use them until they couldn't. Some have the potential to advance a cause or philosophical thought, but are stifled and held back by narcissists and egotistical roadblocks with their own goals.
The best soldiers and philosophers comes when they either have a good team, when they make their own team, or when they fight alone.
Suffocate a potential warrior long enough, sooner or later you'll push them away, or make a powerful rival.
-Entry 44: 12/15/2023
A hero isn't always a hero simply because you was taught he was. A villain isn't always a villain just because that is what you was taught. Sometimes a hero is someone promoted by a specific side who wants you to believe he is a hero. Sometimes a villain is a hero to others. Sometimes a villain is a hero who was abused and oppressed too much to be allowed as a hero.
Sometimes what matters is who is telling the story. Why is these people painted this way? What is the aim.
Heros and villains, good and evil; but who is doing what isn't being told, who is reacting to what was never disclosed? What is a true reaction and what is one out of hidden fear. Good and evil is only determined when you know the full story, not when someone with invested interests is telling the story.
-Entry 45: 12/16/2023
Alienation and exploitation.
The more authentic and raw you are, and how you exist, the less you have and can obtain.
The more fake, robotic, and cold you make yourself, the more you'll have as you kill who you truly are.
A violent system that applies its violence not only physically and financially, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The latter being the less addressed, but the most important. Human beings was not suppose to drastically kill off themselves this much to the point of being something cold and unfeeling, it isn't natural, otherwise if it was we would have died out before the era of Moses (PBUH).
Our natural state is one of care, love, full expression, and creativity. Anything else is learned or a coping mechanism to survive.
-Entry 46: 01/09/2024
The only difference between a psyop and social engineering is who is orchestrating it. Everyone can social engineer, and do, but powerful groups and people organize psyops.
Everyone socially engineers, many are just horrible at it. So long as you live and function among groups; interests, desires, curiosity and more will engage human beings to talk or act in a manner that might, or does, further personal goals even if it is as simple as wanting to learn more about someone or fulfill a want of social interaction. There is nothing wrong with this in most regards, but to argue that there is no such thing as manipulation in certain relationships or interactions is logically a lie. Where is the line? Does it only start when we personally perceive harm? Or is it when one pushes an interaction in a way they desire, because if it is the latter than we all do that even in mild, non-malicious ways. Again, often out of curiosity or desire. Sometimes not even a conscious act from ourselves.
Everyone is a social engineer, many just don’t know what they are doing and are acting upon personal ways of functioning. As is the case of we act in accordance to what we are influenced by, and most often this is fine and good. Since most are bad at it, most often there is little harm or none at all. It only becomes more malicious and harmful when the person, be them knowingly or unknowingly, is acting in a clever and sophisticated manipulative manner to gain the goal at the extreme cost of another or of groups.
On the opposite end of a social engineer, the psyop is simply a method of battlefield multiplying where instead of using weapons you influence and manipulate numbers through popular methods of receiving said influence. To turn populations or groups in favor of the manipulative entity or against each other. Psychological warfare organized in operations that can be political, or even mild, such as the case of psychological propagandists from Germany whose tactics became adopted by corporations in their commercials.
Either you are too trusting, and get waged war on by everyone; or too paranoid and destroy your own health by avoiding all social interactions. The balance must be struck in the middle with healthy boundaries and awareness that: everyone could wage psychological war on you, but the battles are yours to pick and disengage when necessary.
Are we impervious to it? No, never can be, just as the phrase goes “you are not immune to propaganda.” However, we can become more socially aware and prioritize who deserves to associate with us or what we allow them to know and get away with. When to believe them and when to assume their stories are conflicting. Boundaries is the key to healthy living, as it is a relation to nature itself, because even wolf pack know their territory and to stay in it until you can’t further.
-Entry 47: 01/15/2024
The soldiers of Allah who have called out to Allah on those days of want, to train and be directed like soldiers. Allah has the path set out for every believer who puts in the effort, and those who call out asking to be His soldiers are being trained without realizing it. Every punishment for a disobeyed order, every hardship to strengthen the mind and body and purify it from sins. Every realization in the mind to show them their objective and keep their morale strong.
Every soldier of Allah is being trained by the one they fight for.
Those who accepted nothing from this world except to fight against evil, will be trained because of their efforts, and In Sha Allah will be accepted as a shaheed.
Allahu Akbar!
-Entry 48: 01/17/2024
Some of us are fortunate to have an untainted life. Some are not, as some of us are given harder roads to walk so we become the only thing that can properly protect us. A figure that a younger version would feel safe around.
Sometimes Allah puts us on a dark path to force us to learn. To make us sharpen our mind and talents to be as effective as we can be in certain areas.
Some of us who was picked to be His warriors was given a hard and in depth life which will leave us with more skills than the majority, skills that will scare the enemies we face; while leaving us with much mental anguish, a dark past, a stained soul which cries out for redemption while fighting its own darkness from overtaking as the world surrounds and pressures your fall.
Operating daily as a gun turret infected with malware; visuals daily suffering from static as the friendly fire switches on and off, forcing you to exert control over the system. Calculating every next move, every next interaction, keeping defenses on constantly. The more pain gained from bad decisions and bad communities the sharper your defenses and reflexes become but the worse the malware infects. It forces you to defend on two fronts both inside and out.
Some of us who become terrifyingly powerful soldiers know our capabilities and simultaneously always assume less of them than they are. We seen from our experiences how powerful we trained ourselves to be, yet we are obsessed with more; afraid of the opponent having an upper hand in a way that we could have stopped, a way we could have blocked with the right knowledge and practice.
After a certain point, your skills become valuable, crowds chase after you, and you make a decision to either be useful to the wrong crowd, to yourself, or to a goal bigger than yourself. The decision is made when your soul screams out the answer, or when your anger screams out the answer: if both scream the same answer, exert caution and expect the world to declare war against you.
Your training is now hardwired into your being, you are like a cyborg, human with robotic defenses and programming. A being whose decisions can’t be changed unless the battlefield changes. Someone whose end objective either makes him a skilled asset or a potential rival to all who comes near him. Always upgrading and always mounting new enemies against himself.
There is no peace for a man who knows nothing but war. There is no calm for a man whose skills keep him always between attack and defend. There is no normalcy for a man who must always gain ground or lose it to the other side.
There is no average for a man whose view is the world and self sacrifice to free it.
-Entry 49: 01/19/2024
Every new knowledge gained, every new information that was once suppressed learned, every new realization from experiences, all of it sharpens out the mind like a blade. The sharper the mind, the more deadly it is against those who feed on people like predators searching for prey.
A soul marked with the battle scars of experiences and the lessons learned by them, wielding a sharpened mind like a sword against those who manipulate and feast on souls for power.
After so long of learning what the powerful once hid from the average person, you get to a point where sharpening is not enough. It becomes time to add serrations. One for every new knowledge. One for every new organizational practice and platform. One for every new reach.
Just like a blade, the serrations serve no purpose, other than to cause pain to the opponent. Sharpen the mind like a blade, then serrate it after you gained enough knowledge. You sharpen with knowledge until you serrate when you know how to organize and hurt your opponent strategically & effectively.
Wield like the experienced warrior you are.
-Entry 50: 01/23/2024
A fundamental fact every intellectual, philosopher or general deep thinker must accept. You will have hundreds of thousands of creative or insightful thoughts that could change the world for the better; but you will be fortunate enough to only bring a quarter of them into reality.
You know you can’t stop the floodgates of the creative mind, but you must at least let the soul be at peace knowing not everything will be able to be produced into material reality even if you had all the time in the world and all the finances to do it.
Stay creative, but never stress about what never happened due to our own limitations.
-Entry 51: 04/02/2024
A fact you learn in Islam is life is balance. From the self to the collective, from humanity to nature.
Balance must be maintained otherwise the whole drifts into chaos at their two extremes. Too pious and pride takes over, too sinful and the self erodes into depravity and darkness. Humans at this point in life will never be as humble and religious as the time of the Prophet (PBUH), but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try; but with trying is understanding our limitations and weaknesses. To always know we are weak and humble ourselves before Allah.
The average person has to maintain the balance of 3 components of himself: The physical, mental, and spiritual.
To lack in any of these is a deficiency that can harm the rest of your being. This is why prioritizing what is important must always be in mind and crushing the nafs (desires) is a necessity.
If we maintain the balance, of staying physically, mentally and spiritually strong, suppressing our nafs, and staying deeply connected with Allah; we can, as Imam Ali said:
“Allah, the Exalted, gave the angels intellect without desires, He gave the animals desires without intellect, and He gave both to humans. So a man whose intellect prevails over his desires is better than the Angels, whilst a man whose desires prevails over his intellect is worse than the animals.”
Pray your prayers, pray the sunnah, do the Dhikr of Allah everywhere, pray tahajjud if you can as it is the prayer of the successful, don’t neglect your obligations to both Allah and those you are responsible for, and prioritize Allah in your life over your nafs: You will see peace and success in this life and the next. Balance will be easier.
-Entry 52: 10/05/2024
In most occasions your brain is working against you because it’s functioning off pre-programmed experiences to avoid pain and survive as long as possible. This inevitably means prejudice and assumptions are made subconsciously that can get in the way of you making a decision or acting on an opportunity. This is where trauma and bad experiences can hinder you in life, long after they happen.
Does this mean blindly take every opportunity presented to you? No, because that’s as dangerous and self destructive as being scared to take any. With age comes wisdom, with wisdom comes the ability to pick between when your thoughts are in the way and when your judgement is actually trying to protect you. At least, if you still struggle with making this distinction, it means you need to spend more time alone in silence to determine if your past thoughts was protecting you or not. You have to be more aware of your surroundings, think more carefully, and especially be more aware of yourself and your mind.
Not everyone or everything is out to hurt you, some are depending on circumstances, but some opportunities are there for you to conquer your fears or learn a lesson.
-Entry 53: 12/16/2024
Everyone has chains that hold them into a place; responsibilities, people, luxuries, things they own, and more. The limitations that keep people on a fixed, orderly path by powers above them.
Only two chains exist left on me, one stronger than the other. These chains bend and strain against my rage. As soon as the strongest breaks, nothing will stop my anger, my wrath, my pain; every fiber of it, crippling these institutions of oppression which stayed orderly and maintained the falsehood of civilization that so many suffered under.
A promise, a guarantee, that either I will be successful in my avenge, or die trying.
-Entry 54: 12/23/2024
Self love is only so useful until it inflates ego and pride. Self hate is just the mind in pain finding a way to confirm the bias inflicted on it or that it created. Funny the terms we come up with to cope with our lives.
Self reflection, to acknowledge the good and bad within, to know without shying away, our good and bad qualities. I can see no better way to live in a more authentic matter. Either we lie to ourselves, and suffer. Or we are truthful with ourselves, and suffer but at least know why and how to fix it. Ease comes after acknowledging and fixing the problems, but sometimes, some suffering is inevitable. We just get stronger to handle it, while trying to lessen other sufferings that are worse.
-Entry 55: 03/06/2025
It’s easier to hate everyone when you’ve been hurt repeatedly throughout your life. It’s the best & easiest subconscious defense mechanism for the deeply wounded.
The one who is not vigilant against it, turns himself into a monster who will lash out at the slightest bit of pain.
-Entry 56: 03/06/2025
This society births monsters until not a single soul is freed from the carnage. A land of savagery, where even the kindest and most powerless will be made to feel like his skin burns and his mind overwhelmed at a moment’s notice.
Freedom from abuse exists for none, just ruthless manipulation, abuse and exploitation. To exist in a land like this means to wrestle between purity and darkness. To become as pure as possible and savagely torn apart by others, or engulfed in darkness and to be as ruthless as others to survive.
Ultimately the answer is not easy to conclude, but it’s clear that change can’t be fostered in this backwards land of backwards thinking without a large enough group to lead by example. Will it come? I use to believe it would, now I’m not as certain.
-Entry 57: 03/06/2025
Over my years of suffering, I have no more respect for the bystanders of abuse. Those who witnessed injustice and harm and who killed their humanity with the poison of individualism. Worrying only about themselves and the injustice against themselves. Who refuse to feel deeply for others but dare be felt deeply for by others. A continuer of the problem but demands others be outside the very norm they made popular.
As much as I don’t respect these monsters in human clothing, neither do I respect the one who let suffering make him kill his soul. A monster of a new form, a user and exploiter who fears suffering, so he harms others without a soul to stop him, as his soul is either dead or black with the darkness of evil that consumed it.
-Entry 58: 03/06/2025
Many come to the Left because of the frustrations they have under capitalism. They don’t seek to organize, they don’t seek to be militant, they don’t seek to aid in the change necessary but instead do the bare minimum.
You do not hate enough, and often it’s because you haven’t suffered enough to do so.
Those whose devotions are based on the deep truth’s they’ve found, are no different to the devotions of the one who acts with a desire of vengeance. The more aligned you are with the truth you’ve seen or experienced, the closer it’ll bring you to the reality - that for things to heal, certain powers must be sabotaged, rallied against, and ultimately thrusted into chaos and destruction. That for liberation to be obtained, many must face the fire they long fought to avoid.
Only when you’re driven by an overwhelming desire for ease, or a desire for retribution, can verbal frustrations transfer into material efforts & results.
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